I miss him.

Its pretty simple. I haven't seen him in a few months and I miss him. I haven't heard his voice for a while either, because hearing a recording of it doesn't count.

And I laid down to go to sleep because I thought I was tired but then he entered into my mind and I realized how much I missed him and I got this feeling of butterflies in my stomach. It's accompanied by an ache in my heart. And when I recognize this ache, the butterflies get worse and I wonder if they aren't really just me feeling sick or something.

But that single tear that leaked out when I thought about the last time we talked... it tells me that the butterflies are a new kind of lonely in which I feel nervous. Because only nerves activate this feeling in the pit of my stomach. Sometimes they are due to excitement but that hasn't happened for a while. And apparently they are now activated by loneliness so deep that I wish it were possible to actually visit someone in your dreams.

So I texted other boys who could possibly fill up the void a bit, and nothing happened. And even if something had, it wouldn't have worked really, and I would still be sitting here in the dark, clutching my pillow and wishing that I didn't miss him so I could get some sleep.

Visit me soon, love. I can't make it until August or September.